URGHHHH :(

Feel like this today....




I just don't understand!!! I always used to be soo skinny and a few years back I did indeed balloon to look like the above. But I worked really hard and got down to 8st 6, but I still wanted to be thinner...now I wish I was that weight again. I am now 9st 6 and I have no idea why :(. I'm eating healthier than I have in years, I'm doing more exercise than I ever have but I'm just not loosing the weight. So I though ah, its because I'm putting on muscle but no! Weighed in at curves last week lost quarter of inch of arms, thighs and waist but body fat went up 2%, I mean what the frick! 


Actually getting really down about this, just feel fat and frumpy no matter what I'm wearing, and the only thing I can think of to do is just to stop eating! And I won't because that slows down your metabolism and has the opposite effect *sigh*. This is freaking bull shit, I wish I had a device that fits on like a glove, then you pass it over your body and it kind of sluices away excess fat. Would leave a nasty mess on the floor but you would look stunning!! Would make me a rich person as well...


Only thing I can think of to do now (other than trying to invent the above) is to go cold turkey with the junk food....that's right no more takeaways, coke, crisps, chocolate - or anything tasty until I have finished my 6 weeks at Curves. If I haven't lost half a stone and literal inches in the next 3 weeks I will just jump off a bridge. Pray for me. 

Serious note today

I fully intended to come into work and tell you all about my strange dream but it completely left my head when I saw this..  http://www.thisis50.com/profiles/blog/show?id=784568%3ABlogP
ost%3A21600403&commentId=784568%3AComment%3A21607226&xg_source=activity 

This has to be the worst thing I have ever seen. These poor young puppies being thrown into the river by a girl that can only be described as sadistic, they are crying for their mother and she carries on throwing them...All I can think of is how they must feel when they hit that water, my heart is actually hurting.

They haven't found this bitch yet but when they do there will not be a severe enough punishment for her, its scary how many of these disgusting acts on animals are coming to the surface since the cat in bin fiasco. I urge you all if you see anything like this please report it to the RSPCA or the Police. I'm disgusted that there are people like this out there and that are the same species as me.

If you have a puppy please give him/her a big cuddle and a kiss, they are lucky to have someone like you :)  

Morning :D

I'm so happy because I am on holiday today :D so I'm going to chill at my PC with my pup all day and play warcraft-because I'm cool like that :p. My phone battery has died but I wish I could take a picture of my hair this morning because it is crrrraaazzzyyy! I think it was due to my dream last night...So I dreamt that I was in the desert with David Attenborough looking for animals and I found this animal that was half bird half bear and it was really nice and cuddly. So I found it and David got in a piss and wouldn't talk to me. So we got in the helicopter back to civilization and I got all the fame and glory for finding bird/bear thing :) haha take that David! Soo strange. Right time for breakfast, grapefruit and green tea...can you sense the joy? O.o thanks for visiting guys! 

Drank all the beer in the world last night....

Hungover. This is why I don't drink much...with the exception of last night 6 bottles of Corona, 4 bottles of Becks, 1 can of Carlsberg and 3 Jaeger Bombs + one insanely hot curry = drunk screeching and giggling, copious amounts of chain smoking, dancing like a loon, laughing at a guy in a club who looked like Emperor Ming from Flash Gordon, going to the park with a crate of Carlsberg and playing on the swings until the police kicked us out, and then walking home bare foot :). All in all bloody fantastic night :) 

*jess makes zombie noises*

mmmnnnnhhhrrrrgggahhhhrrrr thats how I feel this morning. Not much to report no dreams that were interesting kind of the dream equivalent of watching paint dry. So sat at work with rain hammering down feeling depressed because rain does that to you. If something more exciting happens throughout the day I'll make another post but I will leave you with 1) I'm going out to get trashed with new work people tomorrow so that will be a funny story to tell :) 2) I'm going to see the epitomy of awesomeness Laura on Sunday and that will definitely be a funny story to tell and finally 3) here's some example words from yesterday of what I type when I'm actually looking at funny stuff on the internet but want my manager to think I'm doing something:-


hello smelly lego bricks are tasty breathalyser tantalizing cake


Masterpiece isn't it? Peace out!


***UPDATE 12.07***


oh god I'm bored so I am writing more insane nonsense to make out I'm doing something, the last thing was hairy Magmore...what the hell is a Magmore? So I decided to make one, enjoy!

One night of uninterrupted sleep would be nice...

First off last nights weird dream before I forget it :P so I am in the shopping centre in town in Claire's accessories looking at buying a new bag, when I look out the window there's loads of other shoppers racing to get to the doors and screaming, so I walk slowly to the door and a little old woman dressed in white with long white hair goes to me "aren't you going to get out?", she walks off and I'm left there puzzled, I walk out of the door and I can feel something coming, I start to run and it starts to chase me I look behind me and it looks like wind (don't know how but it did lol), I rush through the doors to get outside and manage to just about escape it. Next thing I know I'm on my way to Cardiff to go party with one of mine and my boyfriend's friends Bear, we get their and the party is going good I go to get another drink and walk into the living room and no one is there...then the same old woman walks by me and says once again "aren't you going to get out?" this time I waste no time and start running through rooms climbing over bunk beds (no idea why bunk beds), crawling through vents trying to get out and all this time this weird invisible scary wind thing is after me...and I can't remember anything else, I kinda remember a talking mouse but have no idea how it fits in lol

So I went to sleep pretty early last night was shattered after work then the gym, my puppy fell asleep curled against my stomach all hunky dory. 

1st rude awakening: about 2 am puppy is barking madly at some drunken chavs outside my window, I sleepily stagger to the open window and go to shut it...whilst doing this one of the spiny things in our blind pierces savagely into my temple and has left me with a HUGE wound, please see below.

2nd rude awakening: about 3.30am hear unmistakeable sounds of puppy about to throw up next to my face...pick up puppy and drop onto the floor, hear him yack onto the floor, quickly pick him back up so he doesn't eat his own puke, both go back to sleep thinking Sam will clean it up in the morning :P

3rd Rude awakening: about 4am puppy starts snoring so I stop him the same way I stop Sam, elbow to the ribs puppy shuts up 

4th rude awakening: 5am puppy starts dreaming whilst flat on his back making sounds like a zebra..

7.30 have to wake up....shower, breakfast, and here I am sat at work feeling like this...

Morning Weirdness

So I have messed up dreams...which I tend to always remember as soon as I wake up so I'm doing an early blog so I can do this one justice :). So in my dream I'm looking after my satanistic half brother Jack. Satanistic why you ask? Well many things but when I had a broken foot he deliberately stamped with both feet on it...likes to call me fat ass or fat bitch and likes to tell my mum that his dad will kill her...so lovely child as I was saying...I was looking after him and being the good sister I am I decided to take him swimming but being satanistic Jack he was too much hard work but a nice life guard said he will look out for him if I want to go home...so I did haha obviously in my dream it is totally normal to leave a child with a strange man who could be a paedophile...anyyywayyy I walk home and then start chilling out with my friend Laura - who is the epitomy of awesomness and will be a big feature in my blogs :p - when suddenly a car pulled up outside which was full of my mum and her family (all psychopaths who I don't speak to any more so have no idea why I dreamed about them!) they were shouting at me to come out but me and Laura hid hahaha but then my mum just came through the door! Laura didn't bloody lock it did she lol then I woke up...so thanks Laura you could have killed or maimed me in my dream :P 


When I have strange dreams I tend to be in a weird haze in the mornings so I got up had my shower, let the Pug out and made us both breakfast. I was watching Hogan as he was eating his smelly food realising that's why his breath stank so bad, the trouble is you can only get dog toothpaste that tastes like chicken or something else that doesn't smell good. So I decided if I made dog toothpaste I would make a chocolate mint flavoured toothpaste so the dogs breath would be nice and fresh but they would also like it in their mouths...but then I decided I wanted chocolate mint toothpaste and wondered why nobody had invented this before! By then my Special K has done its magic and I wake up out of my strange haze, but as I'm sat at my desk at work I still think I'm on to a winner with this toothpaste thing, Dragon's Den here I come!!! :D